Another year has gone by and here we are at 2011. You know, in all my 28 years of life, I never really had a serious new years resolution. Sure, at parties or with family, the same old question gets passed around, "Whats your resolution? Hmm?" Some people have theirs made up. Some, like me, just say something witty or weird just to have a response thats comical because we dont really have resolutions. WE'RE JUST GLAD TO SURVIVED THIS LONG! Anyways, like i said, i never had a serious look at what i needed to do or change the next year but i think after the year I've had, I need something to strive for, something to gain, something for Mr. Marco Galvan.
Over 2010, I have seen some amazing things in my personal life. I have seen a man overcome his fears and anxiety of life and actually take it in his hands and make a difference everyday. This guy several years ago could not even step out of his house without freezing in apprehension. Agoraphobia was definitely a plague not only in his life, but in ours. But in spite of it all, he found a way to get his life back and actually start working again. Not only in a 9 to 5 job, but at home where he helps many people deal with the stresses of monetary problems, relationship, problems, chronic pain. He is basically a super therapist! Sure, there have been days where he would like to just throw in the towel and just run far far away, but he's still here and I think of Nick as kind of a hero.
Also this year I have seen a reckless little boy who roamed the streets and got into messes like drugs and alcohol, girls, sex, and bad grades, turn into a man. Back in Eugene, he was a mess but ever since we moved back to the coast, I believe for him, it was like jumping out of your body and looking at all the things you've been doing over in the city and realizing, the truth. He sees kids here having fun without medicating themselves and pulling stupid stunts. He sees kids trying to earn that ever elusive A and playing sports. Just being a kid is ok, and even though he realized that all he needed to do was that, he became a man in the process. Chris is doing wonderful in school, playing sports, getting great grades, being popular, and i dont ever worry about him coming home high anymore. While i sit here and type, im crying tears of joy for a boy whom i love with all my heart and am so proud that he finally understands that its ok to be a kid and enjoy life to the fullest. Im so proud of him everyday.
Casey, what to say about him lol. Well at first when we got him, and i say "got him" because even though he is 24 years old, he is just like a kid we picked off the streets. Anyways, I had no idea of what was standing in front of me. Physically I see this 6'2", 180ish, nicely framed guy and im sure the girls go gaga over, but inside i see this timid, little boy even younger than my 16 year old. I've thought you've got to be kidding. We have taken some people into our lives in the past. People ranging from homeless kids, adults, to roommates who paid us rent. Although I would never recommend it unless you have a strong family because most ended up in horribly bad situations, (masturbating in our kids beds, wrecking our car, tearing up our house with dogs...ect) I knew Casey was just here in our lives to be loved. Everything else, would work itself. Everyone else that Nick had tried to save, i knew right away that he/she was a bad waste of time. Im not a selfish person like that, just my intuition tells me what turns out to be right later on. But with Casey I have never had any red flags, he is the most thoughtful person we've had directly in our lives that didnt come from an adoption, or a marriage. Yet he is family. He is a great guy, he's stupid sometimes like using our car in a robbery, but nonetheless, he is no criminal. Just stupid. hehe
Like i said before, we've had a lot people come into our lives. Most were just bad situations, but two are just sad. Chris's older brother, we just could not help. He was a great little kid, always helpful, also always ruff and tuff. I remember him tormenting his brother daily but hey, what older sibling doesn't, right? But somewhere along the path his hand slipped away from ours and somehow, all i see is just darkness for him.... He has turned into an energy that would twist your gut and make everyone around uncomfortable. Everything had to be locked up wither it be money, or keys to your car. Nothing made sense with him, he stole, he drank, he goes absolutely crazy and we all held on as long as we could but everytime we got him in a place we he could succeed, he ran back to the dark alleys, the drug infested apartments, and the shady people he considers family over us. Christian, its not that we dont love you, its that we do love you so much that makes us hurt everyday. Even though we didnt say it, all of us on Christmas knew and felt, that something was missing. It was you....
Another person i miss everyday is Taylor. I know, i know, i was the absolute spoiler of him, would buy him anything he wanted, spent the most time with him yadda yadda yadda.....but you all forget. Even tho i am the newest addition to the original Batchelder family, this was the experience that Nick had gone through when he first saw these two little hungry boys at in orphanage in California. Taylor became like my first very own son. I went nuts like any first father would do lol. And even though Chris and Christian, (even Nick), got super jealous, I would do it all over again to hear his crazy little laugh and see his Chiclets teeth smile again. Well, our family had a rough time, fell apart and he was moved to a different home, i kept in contact for as long as i could until he was adopted. Im glad he got his wish. All he wanted was a forever family and even though it wasnt us, I'm glad he was that little spark in our lives for just a second.
Well after looking over the past year (and some years past), I woke up today and had a burning desire to write this. I get these from times to time because i feel like i can express myself better in writing than i ever could talking. (guess it lets me have time to actually think before i talk). But anyways I look at what has happened over the years and you ask what did I do? Well im asking myself the same thing. Im sure everyone around is asking where's Marco? Whats he doing? Why is he on this paperwork, but Nick is taking care of it? Well, i have been at work. Yes. Thats all i have been doing this past year. Sure I've moved back to the coast. Sure i wrecked my car. But other than that, i have been earning those green little rectangular pieces of paper that we exchange goods and services for. I was looking at my check stubs and based on my ytd, i worked around 2117.63762 hours in 2010. Seeing that there are 8765 hours in a year, it seems like ive worked longer than 4 months of nonstop work. Im tired and im cranky but most of all im kinda sad. I didnt do a damn thing that i can sit back and look at and be proud of. I didnt do any works of art. I didnt fix my car. I didnt do anything creative in the yard. I dont have anything that i can touch or see that i can say, i took time to make or create and be proud of. I've spent so much time working that the only evidence of my 2010, are a million check stubs. I guess i could stack them up, maybe make some papermache with them. Oh, i could make them all into pulp and make one giant check stub! But no, theres nothing special i did this year i feel. SO all in all, im going to make 2011 mine. All mine. Im not about to quit working and turn hippy and live off the land and make an altar to myself lol. Im just going to make more time for me. I need to stop neglecting my needs and show myself what i can do. So my 2011 new years resolution? Is Me....
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